lonely upstream salmon

I would say that 75% of the time I am entirely embarrassed for myself. the other 25% of the time I am entirely proud of myself. there is no in-between stage, no happy medium. I'm just too proud or too embarrassed all the time.

I had a rough week. strangers were mean to me for no reason. this made me embarrassed and sad.

in america people want to kiss you on the cheek all the time, even if they don't like you. (I always imagine that everyone doesn't like me. maybe because of strangers who are mean to me for no reason). Models want to kiss you on both cheeks. I never know which cheek to go for and always end up awkwardly mashing faces with the other person or shaking my head from left to right too many times. "what's that supposed to be, an impression of an upstream salmon?"

my apartment is empty and completely quiet. I have nothing to do so I'll go to bed. I am so glad I have a radio next to my bed. Listening to it makes me feel better.